


It will have been worth it

by Immortal_Dreams



Series: The Other 51 [10]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Is So Done, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Deruned Alec Lightwood, First Kiss, First Time, Hurt Alec Lightwood, M/M, Pre-Canon, off-screen though, with the clave's bs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:28:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28861065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Immortal_Dreams/pseuds/Immortal_Dreams
Summary: Alec never thought something like this would happen to him. Those things happen to traitors, to bad people. He guesses that he’s one of those bad people to the clave now.Somehow, he finds himself unable to care. Of course, he’s angry. He’s angry at the clave. But when he thinks about how he’s going to be deruned for saving a little girl’s life, he can’t bring himself to care. Alec doesn’t regret any of it.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Catarina Loss, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: The Other 51 [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1925527
Comments: 4
Kudos: 183





	It will have been worth it

Alec never thought something like this would happen to him. Those things happen to traitors, to bad people. He guesses that he’s one of those bad people to the clave now. 

Somehow, he finds himself unable to care. Of course, he’s angry. He’s so fucking angry. But not at his choices. He’s proud of those. Because he let a small warlock child go instead of killing it, the clave has deemed him a traitor. This little girl had no control over her powers and accidentally killed some people who’d been acting intimidating. The clave wanted her dead. But when Alec saw her, saw how scared she was, he instead brought her to the closest warlock he knew of and made them promise to teach her control. So, yeah. He’s angry at the clave. But when he thinks about how he’s going to be deruned for saving a little girl’s life, he can’t bring himself to care. Alec doesn’t regret any of it.

The pain is bad, so bad Alec passes out from it. He’s glad they removed the parabatai rune first. Jace doesn’t need to feel this. The clave didn’t allow him to talk to him, or to Isabelle. His family is going to think he died on a mission. He’s never going to be able to see them again. When he starts crying part of it is from the pain, but another part is from the grief of loosing everyone he ever loved in the span of a few hours.

After all of his runes are gone, they not so nicely remind him he can never return to any institute or even speak to a shadowhunter. And then, they throw him out on a random street in downtown New York. And Alec is strong, but he’s also still in pain, bruised and bloody and exhausted. He collapses after five steps.

He wakes up in a mundane hospital, a day later. The doctors scramble to ask him about his identity and what happened, but Alec doesn’t know what he can tell them. Not the truth, that’s for sure. So, he says he doesn’t know. He pretends he doesn’t remember a single thing, not even who he is. As soon as he’s mostly healed up, he’ll just sneak out and the doctors will never have to know.

That plan is destroyed by an attentive nurse. Alec is fully dressed and on his way to the elevator when she stops him with a sweet smile and a glare. He tries to get away, but she’s strong. Or maybe he’s just weak, now that he doesn’t have his runes. She leads him back to his bed and draws the curtains.

“Are you gonna tell me why you’re in such a hurry to leave?” she asks. “Got somewhere to be?”

Alec shakes his head. “No.”

And then he looks up and studies her for the first time since she stopped him. She looks good. Well, as good as any woman can look to a gay man anyway. She has her hair in a bun and he skin is a dark shade of brown. Except, there’s something else. Alec can’t quite put his mind on it. He stares at her skin, frowning. There it is. It’s…shimmering? Alec’s eyes widen and his mouth drops open a little bit. Her skin looks strange because she’s wearing a glamour. She’s a warlock.

“Are you alright?” she asks then, looking at him in concern. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Alec laughs. “Something like that,” he says and holds his hand out for her to shake. “I don’t believe we’ve been introduced. I’m Alec.”

She frowns, but takes his hand. “Catarina. The doctors said you had amnesia, couldn’t remember your name at all.”

“Yeah, that was a lie,” he says, shrugging. “It’s Alexander Gideon Lightwood.”

Catarina drops his hand as if burned. “You’re—” She hesitates. “You’re a shadowhunter.”

Alec flinches a little. “Was,” he says. “I was deruned.”

“Why?” Catarina looks at him with pity in her eyes. Alec hates it.

“Please don’t assume I regret it,” he says. “I refused to kill a little girl just because she was a warlock that killed someone because she couldn’t control her powers yet.”

Catarina stares at him. “That was you?” she asks. “I heard about that. She’s in Canada now, with a warlock who’s got experience in teaching young warlocks control their powers.”

Alec smiles at that. “I’m glad she’s safe. That’s what I was hoping to achieve.”

“Well,” Catarina says, looking at her watch. “My shift is almost over, but I’m glad I met you, Alec. If you want, I can help you rebuild once you’re fully healed. Get you a flat, a job. Maybe introduce you to some people.”

Alec nods. “I’d like that.”

Five days later, Catarina gets to make good of her promise. When Alec finally gets to walk out of the hospital after being released, she’s waiting for him in the parking lot. They share a quick hug and together they walk into a small alley next to the hospital. Catarina opens a portal and her mouth drops open when Alec walks through it without even asking where it leads. 

The truth is, he trusts her. For some reason, he does. His parents would have called him crazy for trusting a downworlder, but he never agreed with their opinions anyways. He guesses being exiled has been a long time coming. Thinking back now, he sees doubts starting to seep into his mind from the moment he first witnessed another shadowhunter kill a vampire without remorse. He hadn’t even given him a chance to explain, just went straight for the kill. And everyone told Alec that this was the way to do it. But he started wondering. Wondering if maybe he should give downworlders a chance to be good. Because maybe they didn’t have to be defined by the demon blood running through their veins. Those thoughts alone would have gotten him deruned years ago, had he ever spoken them aloud. Alec is kind of glad he didn’t, because it means he got to save a little girl’s life before the inevitable. 

He steps out of the portal and into an unfamiliar apartment, Catarina just a few seconds behind him. As the portal closes behind them, Alec hears footsteps approaching. Catarina smiles at Alec and moves in front of him just as a man rounds the corner. And suddenly Alec is really glad about that, because he promptly freezes because, fuck, that man is gorgeous. And well, Alec has always been a useless gay. Nothing new there. The guy—Alec is unable to tear his eyes away from him—grins and pulls Catarina into a hug. 

She laughs. “Magnus! You act like you haven’t seen me yesterday.”

Alec snaps out of his trance at the mention of the name. Magnus. As in Magnus Bane? High Warlock of Brooklyn? Oh, shit. Why did Catarina bring him here? This guy hates each and every Lightwood as far as he knows. Suddenly, all Alec wants to do is get away.

Magnus laughs too, and rolls his eyes. “What?” he asks. “Am I not allowed to be happy to see my best friend?”

“Oh, shut up,” Catarina says and hits him on the shoulder lightly. “I brought someone with me for you to meet.”

“So I noticed.” Magnus grins and turns to Alec, who almost flinches back. “And who might you be?”

Why did Alec ever think it was a good idea to go meet another warlock without any way to protect himself. He’s not naive enough to believe every downworlder will treat him like just another mundane now that he doesn’t have his runes. 

He gulps, forcing himself to meet Magnus’ eyes. “Alec,” he says, willing his voice not to shake.

Magnus hums. “Short for Alexander, I guess. Can I call you Alexander?”

“Uh…” Alec doesn’t know how to respond, so he sends a panicked glance to Catarina, who only snorts.

Tilting his head, Magnus puts a hand on Alec’s shoulder. “You don’t have to be afraid,” he says gently. “You know that, right?”

“I—”

Magnus turns to Catarina. “He has the sight, yeah?” 

When she nods, he turns back to Alec. “I can only guess how difficult this must be for you. But we’ll help you get used to it. And don’t worry, most of the time all you need to do to be left alone is act like you can’t see the crazy thing.”

Alec’s mouth hangs open. Magnus thinks he’s a mundane with the sight? And why isn’t Catarina telling him the truth? He looks at her again, but she only gives him a look and shakes her head. Ah, so she wants him to say it. Of fucking course. As if his life isn’t fucked enough. Alec gathers all the courage he has left and looks back at Magnus.

“I know about the shadow world,” he says, and watches Magnus frown in confusion. “What I need help with is figuring out what to do now that I’m not really a part of it anymore.”

Magnus’ eyes widen. “You were a shadowhunter,” he whispers and Alec can hear wonder in his voice.

He nods, still looking straight into the other man’s eyes.

“What happened?”

And Magnus asks so softly, Alec feels almost drawn to give him an answer. “I disagreed with the clave’s decision to kill a young warlock.”

“Oh,” Magnus breathes. “You’re something special, aren’t you?”

And he looks at him with so much goddamn wonder in his eyes, Alec forgets why he was afraid of him in the first place. It feels like Magnus could not possibly hate him, not with how he has reacted so far.

“I wish I wasn’t,” Alec says, shaking his head. “The clave forgets the fact that downworlders are people, not demons in human form. I did what every shadowhunter should have done, but I know most of them wouldn’t have, even if they knew they were doing the wrong thing.”

“Sadly, I’ll have to agree with you,” Magnus says. “This isn’t the first time you did something the clave didn’t like, is it?”

Alec snorts. “It’s the first time they found out. Mostly I used to pretend the downworlder got away, or that I couldn’t find them. I think I’ve doubted them for as long as I can remember.”

Magnus studies him for a while, which makes Alec squirm, uncomfortable with the attention. “I’ll help you,” he says finally.

“Really?” Alec’s eyes are wide.

Magnus nods. “Yes.”

And that’s when Alec notices he still hasn’t told him his full name. He should probably do that now, when walking out might still be an option. If he avoids it and Magnus finds out later, he might not get out this easily.

“There’s something you need to know first,” Alec says, gulping.

Magnus raises a brow. “Yes?”

“I—” Alec hesitates, taking a deep breath. “I’m—I was a Lightwood.”

Magnus blinks, but the surprise bleeds away quickly. He shakes his head. “You’re still a Lightwood. The clave can take away a lot, but not your name. Unless you want to change it, of course?”

“What?”

Alec can only stare at the warlock in front of him. He just—he doesn’t care? But…huh. Maybe much more of the stuff he learned at the institute was a lie than he thought. Maybe he has to start learning things from the beginning again, just to make sure he learns the actual truth now.

Magnus smiles. “I don’t care who your parents are. Do you condemn me for having a demon for a father?”

“Of course not.”

“Then why would I condemn you for your family? And anyways, you are already a much better person than Robert and Maryse Lightwood could ever be.”

“You’ve known me for less than an hour,” Alec says, unsure if he should feel upset about Magnus basically insulting his parents. But then he remembers that he agrees with him, so being upset would probably be a little counter productive.

Letting out a short laugh, Magnus winks at him. “And I’ve already decided I like you.”

Is he flirting with him? Alec doesn’t know. He has a feeling he wants Magnus to be flirting with him, though. And well, he doesn’t have to stay in the closet now, does he?

“Seems like we’re in agreement,” he says, smile on his lips as he decides to just go for it. “Because I like you too.”

Catarina takes one look at them and snorts. “Oh my god,” she whispers, sounding amused.

When they turn to her, she grins. “I’ll leave you to the flirting.”

And with that, she opens a portal and steps through it. Alec and Magnus stare at the space she just vacated for a few seconds before Magnus turns to Alec.

“Well,” he says, drawing out the word. “Shall we continue with the flirting as my dear friend so smartly put it?”

And because he seems to have lost all of his internalised homophobia the moment Magnus Bane walked into his life, Alec laughs and steps closer to him. 

“We shall,” he says, so close he’s sure Magnus can feel his breath on his lips.

They lock eyes and then Magnus leans in and Alec winds his arms around his waist and their lips meet. And even though Alec has never kissed anyone before, he knows that this feels special. It feels right. He melts into Magnus as they keep kissing right there, in the middle of the living room. Only when they are out of breath do they break apart, breathing heavily and still leaning together by their foreheads. Alec doesn’t even try to fight the massive smile on his lips, and neither does Magnus. 

They go right back to kissing as soon as they have caught their breaths. And this time, the kiss is more heated and Alec finds himself pulling Magnus closer to his own body. Before he knows it, they are stumbling back into another room. Alec doesn’t even bother opening his eyes to check which one it is and seeing as he isn’t bumping into anything, he guesses that Magnus has got it handled. He has no idea why he is so easily giving himself up to someone he barely knows but he can’t find the energy to care at the moment. All he knows is that kissing this man feels amazing and that he never wants to stop. 

He feels the bed before he bumps against it and even if it might seem like it’s not planned, Alec could have stopped himself from falling onto it backwards. He doesn’t. Instead, he makes sure to pull Magnus with him and smiles when he lands on top of him. Alec doesn’t stop the kissing while he toes his shoes off and Magnus just uses magic to get his own off of his feet. That little tingle of magic Alec feels in that moment should not feel as hot as it does. He lets out a small moan and his back arcs off the bed a little bit. Magnus gasps at that and then moves to kiss down Alec’s neck. And fuck, it feels so fucking good. Alec lets out moans and gasps as he wonders why he has never done this before. He pulls Magnus back up into a kiss when the sensation gets too much too handle.

“Too many clothes,” he whispers into Magnus’ mouth when they break apart again.

The warlock’s eyes widen but Alec can see they’re filled with anticipation and lust. “Please,” he adds breathlessly.

Magnus doesn’t waste a lot of time and simply snaps his fingers, leaving the both of them in nothing but their boxers. And, damn, if Alec thought Magnus was hot with clothes on, it doesn’t even compare to Magnus without clothes. Alec lets his eyes rake over every part of his chest and presses kisses all over it too. And if the noises Magnus makes are anything to go by, he’s enjoying it just as much as Alec is. They go back to kissing, Alec letting his fingers run over Magnus’ back. His whole body feels electric, almost like part of Magnus’ magic is cursing through him. It feels amazing.

And then one moment they’re kissing and the next, Magnus sits up abruptly and squeezes his eyes shut. Alec frowns, sitting up as well. His hand comes up to rub Magnus’ back.

“Is everything alright?” Alec asks. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No—I mean, yes. I mean—” Magnus sighs. “I’m alright. It’s just that—sometimes, I…loose control.”

With his shoulders hunched and a pained expression on his face, Magnus tuns to Alec. And then he opens his eyes. Instead of the warm brown they were a few seconds before, his eyes are now a bright gold with cat-like slits in the middle. His warlock mark. It’s the most beautiful thing Alec has ever seen. He lifts his hand to Magnus’ cheek, not faltering when he flinches a little.

“They’re beautiful,” Alec says, hoping his voice makes all the adoration he has for Magnus obvious. “You’re beautiful.”

For a moment, Magnus looks like he can’t believe Alec is actually saying it, but then a smile forms on his lips. He takes Alec’s hand in his and leans back into a kiss. Alec kisses back with all he has and they fall back onto the bed. Soon, Magnus is sucking hickeys into Alec’s neck and Alec is moaning louder than ever before. His hands are buried in Magnus’ hair. This feels so much better than he could have ever imagined it feeling. And he definitely did imagine how it would feel when he finally did find someone to share the experience with. Of course, Alec never imagined it would be in a situation like this, with a warlock. Honestly, he’d been bunking on loosing his virginity to a random mundane guy in some night club a few months from now. He’s happy that’s not how his story goes.

After a few more minutes of making out, Magnus snaps his fingers once more and their boxers disappear. Alec lets himself slip fully into the feeling of skin on skin, feeling time start to loose meaning. And for the first time since he can remember, he lets go completely.

The next morning, Alec wakes up before Magnus does. He feels better than he has in months, despite being a little sore. But in his heart is this feeling of happiness and Alec can’t remember when he last truly felt happy. Now, he’s staring at the man next to him in bed, tracing soft shapes on his naked skin and smiling at how the sun reflects on his golden skin. Magnus Bane really is the most beautiful person he has ever seen. And Alec thinks he could get used to waking up like this. Especially when, as soon as he wakes up, Magnus throws a robe at him and drags him to the living room to have breakfast on the couch. As he watches Magnus laugh at something he said, lips in that gorgeous smile of his, Alec thinks yes, he’s so glad he made the choice to save that girl. Even if he lost everything he had, he also gained a chance at true happiness he might have never has otherwise.

**Author's Note:**

> This might at one point turn into a series, but I'm not sure yet.
> 
> If you want to scream at me on tumblr, you can find me @the-immortal-dream


End file.
